More than ever do I have my thoughts been more jumbled and confused not only because of the complications of life, but also thanks to the complications of my mind.
I am almost on the verge of no return but then, I would rather not take the step forward anymore.
I feel the great phase of my life coming to an end, and yet I am still standing at one spot of the world.
Mist and fog come together to cloud my mind and I am not blowing it away.
Am I as lost a soul like the guy who is stuck on an island because he is shipwrecked?
Am I ever gonna see at least a glimpse of hope even from the ones closes from me?
The earth shatters every once in a while, does it means the same for each soul out there?
Is it enough for me to think of just being magnanimous? I am lost...
Isolation, something been spoken before and yet, do we know how it really feels?
Isolation, does it make you a better person or someone you don't wanna acknowledge?
Isolation, is a feeling that must be embraced to move much further, if you ask me...
Well, from the past few words, I'm sure most of you must be wondering....
But need not be worried, I am not being emotional or being rather pathetic...
I am just feeling reluctant. My great phase in life is gonna be over and faster than I would have expected it to be. I was already getting myself all ready for it to be over in a much later time in life but it seems to be coming in a matter of days.
Yes, I am talking about my results day. Reason? It is coming early this year. At least two weeks too early for me. And I'm not liking it at all. Reason? It is to me, the last indication that the friends I have made from the past year and a half is going to be separating ourselves and leading much different paths in life. I have been neglecting these little symptoms like you would to fever symptoms but I cannot be doing that anymore.
It is true, I know how much we have been comforting each other about how we will still be friends no matter how different our lives will be later in life, but who in the world are we joking. Only ourselves here. All the wonderful times we had with each other? It's not gonna be the same no more. So, comfort ourselves all we want. We just have to live with this reality in the end. Why not now.
Maybe later in life, the gatherings we might have with each other is going to be more meaningful and all touchy and sentimental but who the hell cares because it is just not gonna be the same, at least for me.
If you think my title for this post is rather insignificant, it's cause you just do not understand why I call it that yet. It's named as such because of the little white lies I keep telling myself all this while. It's not ending. It's not ending. I am still living this phase of life I'm enjoying too much. Don't let me stop.
But unfortunately, like a drug addict, we never know when we are seriously addicted to something or when we are just indulging ourselves in something. And sad to say, I am admitting that I am addicted to this feeling that I just cannot let it stop. Anything that makes me realize this feeling is ending makes me absolutely inhumane even for myself.
Believe it or not, I'm not really enjoying what I am writing here. I'm sure to believe there will be those who is gonna have questions for me and probably wondering what is going on. Who might have offended me to feel this way or even why the hell am I being so pessimistic. But just let me say, I am not going to answer any of those questions eventhough you may be quite close to me. I doubt I will be able to answer it sincerely cause how I am feeling now is rather at the moment and I don't wanna remember it. So, it is wise to just leave this here.
Thank you.
P.S. : I am absolutely sorry about the long delay in my exposees about my other friends. I am really horrified by the fact that I am so pathetic but hopefully you can understand, being my loyal reader here. However, please do not, I repeat DO NOT be dismayed because it will continue and I really don't wanna offend those that have yet to read about what I think about them. Thank you ever so much for your patience.
1 comment:
I have to say I kinda agree with you on some points. Was thinking about blogging on a similar topic on our shared blog but I thought I'd wait till we get our results. My thoughts will probably be clearer then. Just want to add that life is transient anyway and the lives of men are short and fleeting but we just have to make the most of the time we have been given especially with our loved ones.
Post a Comment