depressionist's sigh...

finally, a post after my exams....not exactly after, but...sorta gonna be finished...
Yet, the sense is just not there...
i mean, there's definitely no way in *somewhere* i'm gonna be celebrating...


i feel like i keep cheating myself....

showing a cheerful, smiling and most of the time laughing face to everybody...

everytime....in school....
by the way, i got myself one of the cutest horses you can find anywhere right now...

at least that's according to me...





would you just look at this horsey??
sitting down there, looking at the camera with his black, beady eyes....
holding its teeny weeny hands and legs together....
the head, tilting to a side, feeling like everything's gonna be fine...


Okay, sorry....kinda went overboard...as usual...never being able to stick to one thing that i was saying...
so, back again...not only am i totally down the dumps with school...
i'm totally down about myself...am i gonna go down that path again?
oh please....help me....


then, as i realized, i find myself being a totally doofus...dufus...dufoos?
how do you even spell that freaking word...
i just cannot understand the reality that i'm not as good as anybody in anything...
as a totally matter of fact, i should never pretend to be a good blogger and start this blog at all...


how can i ever compare to the likes of such amazing writers...being able to update their blogs very often and getting rave comments...
as another matter of fact, even when i try to promote something in my blog, i realize other people can promote the same thing but in a better and totally more effective way...
then, that person gets to promote that thing better than i would ever do no matter how hard i try...


i never was a good swearer....but i found out i began using the word 'beach'....
okay, not the beach with the sand and the sea....the other 'beach'....
when did i ever learned to use that word?
god bless my soul, send me down now...


i just have to realize, i'm never gonna live up to anything in my life...
i should just go hide back in that shell i so loved before and stay there while other more capable people should rule this world the way they just so love....
i'm getting very annoyed...and the more i think about it....the more tired i become...


never in my life has i ever felt myself being cheated by myself more that before...
i am falling on my knees.....begging and begging please....
i don't wanna do this anymore....i don't wanna be the reason why...


Well, before I say my farewells....does this look nice?
People keep insulting me nowadays...I don't even want a comment for anything now...
Thank you...